Predictions for 2007

The inimitable Douglas Becker (that's not him in the picture) has suggested some predictions for 2007. Sounds like fun. Here are a few to get the ball rolling - feel free to chip in with your own!

Disclaimer: No crystal ball has been used, no apocalyptic texts twisted, no astrological charts checked, no witch of Endor consulted and no dice tossed.

* At least one major split will occur in one of the 5 biggest COG groups.

* One of the smaller splinters will quietly fold up and die.

* More of the Armstrong-generation "leading ministers" and administrators will shuffle off the scene.

* Joe Tkach will retain his unelected President for Life position in the WCG.

* COG membership will continue to decline.

* People will die because of the healing doctrine in hardline sects like PCG.

* WCG will resist any calls for greater transparency.

* RCG's website rankings will slip down the greasy poll to a more realistic level.

* Gerry Flurry will discover a new truth.

* The advertising content of The Journal will get even crazier.

* Rod Meredith will call a day of fasting.

* Ron Weinland will start qualifying and backtracking as he realises that he's painted himself into a date-setting corner.

* Nobody will flee to Petra.

The first three polls

Rather than ditch the previous poll results completely, they're being refiled here as blog entries in their own right. The others will follow once they've "done time" in the side bar.
Exactly what can be learned about the AW demographic from these "snapshots" I'm not sure, except that we're not the bunch of raving, demon-possessed "liberals" and "atheists" some might like to imagine. ;-)

1. Worldwide Women in the Pulpit.

2. Who do you say that he is?

3. Heading for Oblivion

Slip-sliding away

It's still a while before the scheduled monthly Alexa check of COG Web rankings (due mid-January) but one interim result already stands out. LCG is slip-sliding away. In fact, the most popular LCG website, number 12 on the list AW monitors, isn't even an official site. It's Bob Thiel.

Yes, Bob's “COGWriter” site is burning off the other Meredith minions. Here's the breakdown as it affects LCG only (as of today):

12. COGWriter (331,093)
13. Tomorrow's World (349,263)
22. LCG (903,452)
**. COGL member site (1,010,071)

Despite the squatzillions LCG throws at their websites (and if they don't, they need to try it!) Bob is outstripping the sect's best web designers and agencies. It must be an embarrassment of good fortune for Bob, who boasts how effective his church's tithe-funded media ministry is. If you click across to lcg.org, and place your ear close to the speaker, you may even hear the sound of teeth gnashing in Charlotte. Rod may want to bring Bob to HQ to head up his Philadelphian Web Work.

A COG Bible?

One of the scariest things I've heard of in recent days is Fred Coulter's plans to produce a “translation” of the whole Bible. Coulter, as you probably know, abandoned the ministry of the WCG in the late 70s to establish the Biblical Church of God which swiftly sank without trace. Fred then founded the Christian Biblical Church of God.

Fred's telephone directory-sized New Testament is already with us, it came out a couple of years ago, built around the text of his revised Harmony of the Gospels (to his credit, Fred at least knows how to read Greek, based on his time at AC.) His “Faithful Version” reads like a slightly updated and rather dull KJV, nothing like the first edition of his Harmony which was then in contemporary English (he's since moved to adopt a severely literal translation approach.) Most notable in his New Testament are the copious and rambling essays and explanations that have blown out the book to 880 pages. By my estimate at least 50% is made up of commentary. A hardback copy of Fred's Faithful New Testament (full title: The New Testament in its Original Order: A Faithful Version with Commentary) will set you back around $50 on Amazon, exclusive of postage.

Individual translators, as opposed to committees, have often produced colorful and stirring versions. James Moffatt, J.B. Phillips, Eugene Peterson (The Message) and John Henson (Good As New) spring to mind (Fred wastes 3 ½ pages attacking Henson in his NT preface, and 2 more attacking Peterson, but Fred simply isn't in this league.) What is remarkable though is his reliance on a corrupt Greek text - “the Stephens text of 1550” (which, of course, he passionately defends at tedious length as the most accurate!) The Stephens in question is “Stephanus” (Robert Etienne), a French printer who produced a revision of Erasmus' Greek text. This is part of the "Textus Receptus" tradition out of which the KJV came. But there are problems.

“No translation can be better than the text on which it is based... those were the days before the art of serious textual criticism had begun. They were able to use only those manuscripts that had been available to Erasmus (which he recognized to be defective) and to the Parisian printer Stephanus... These manuscripts were mostly of the Byzantine (or Koine) family of texts, which subsequent research has demonstrated to be amongst the least trustworthy.” (Robinson, The Thoughtful Guide to the Bible, 2004, p. 269-270.)

“When the AV/KJV was translated, the oldest and best Greek manuscripts had not then been discovered. The earliest used by Erasmus for his 1516 edition of the Greek NT dates back no further than the tenth century.” (Dewey, Which Bible? A Guide to English Translations, 2004, p. 195.)

Now Fred is “doing” the Old Testament. But wait, does Fred actually know any Hebrew? Not that I'm aware of.

The strategy seems to be to revise an already obscure translation called the Modern King James Version to produce an even more obscure one. Fred has paid out $20,000 for this privilege (courtesy, one assumes, of his tithe-paying supporters.) Troublesome verses are being duly “COGified”, so Genesis 1:1-2 will now read “ In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth became without form and void...” The inspired marginal notations are migrating into the text itself!

In essence this doesn't seem much different from Joseph Smith's rewrite of the KJV to produce the “Inspired Version” (still published, last I heard, by Herald House in Independence, MO.)

Fred has also decided to structure his Bible version “in its original order.” Original order? Certainly there's precedent for reordering the books of the Bible, but this one (which owes a good deal to Ernest Martin) has little to recommend it.

There is the consolation of knowing that the Coulter Bible, when it arrives, will be little noticed, as with his existing – and widely ignored – New Testament. This is largely because no other COG is about to give a rival the satisfaction of citing his Bible version in their own publications. Unless you are a collector of uncommon or abstruse Bibles, you may want to give this one a miss.

2006 highlights

It has been another rare and wonderful year in the history of the Churches of God. How quickly we forget the stories that made waves in our little pond over the last 12 months, so here is a quick reprise:

GOODBYES: Brian Knowles called it a day as a columnist for The Journal. Syd Hull jumped ship from LCG to reappear on the deck of the tug-boat SS Pack. Charles Bryce jumped ship from LCG and is still floating somewhere. Herberth Cisneros, UCG rep in El Salvador, rowed the lifeboat across to LCG but wasn't allowed to board. Dennis Leap walked the plank on the garbage scow SS Flurry and hasn't been seen since.

PUNCH-UPS: Mike Minton pulled the plug on The Painful Truth, and a heated war of words ensued on the PT forum. Eventually John Bowers, with the help of PT-founder Ed Mentell, resurrected the site.

SING ALONG: WCG dumped Dwight Armstrong's hymns into the public domain.

STICKS & STONES: WCG became Grace International Fellowship -- no wait, make that Grace International Communion -- no wait, make that WCG again.

FUNNY MAN: Jerold Aust, UCG minister and writer, shares racist humor directed at Asians on his blog .

PREDICTIONS: Ron Weinland declares 2008 the year of God's final witness.

RESURRECTIONS: After a 5 month absence AW returned in blog form.

BEST MATES: Clyde Kilough drops by for beer and pretzels with Rod Meredith at LCG HQ.

THOU SHALT NOT: blog. Kevin Denee reports the Packatollah's edict. RCG rewrites the Denee article to remove the Great One's name after the article achieves instant infamy.

CONDESCENSION: Joe Tkach clings to the Cuckoo Throne, but graciously deigns to admit women to the inner circle of the ordained.

POLITICAL NEUTRALITY: Melvin Rhodes - his ongoing display of "objective" and "impartial" journalism in The Good News. What an inspiration!

PAGE TURNERS: COG authors have had a busy year.
* Ron Weinland, 2008: God's Final Witness. Very weird.
* Greg Doudna, Showdown at Big Sandy. Revealing!
* David Hulme, Identity, Ideology and the Future of Jerusalem. Pointless.
* Thomas Geiger, Martyrdom in Milwaukee. Misnamed.
* John Morgan, Flying Free. Honest.
* James Tabor, The Jesus Dynasty. Provocative.
* Stephen Flurry, Raising the Ruins. Doh!

Putting Mark back where he belongs

You might not know it from the Ambassador College Correspondence Course, but one of the first things students of the New Testament learn about is a little something called "Marcan priority."

The short explanation is that Mark, not Matthew, is the first Gospel, and by looking at the ways Matthew and Luke adapt Mark you can learn an awful lot about their agendas.

What do the 21st century COGs think of that? Who knows. Most COGs are too busy fiddling with their proof texts to pay much attention to issues like this. Fred Coulter has an opinion though, he thinks Matthew was the first Gospel writer, and he wrote it "at the time of Jesus' ministry from 26 to 30 AD." This remarkable statement is pretty much in line with Fred's other "scholarly" opinions. His "Faithful Version" deserves to be a party conversation piece if only because of the bloopers in its copious and repetitive notes.

We also know what James Tabor thinks, because he's addressed this very issue in his latest blog entry. Tabor goes further by drawing out what he sees as some implications of Marcan priority.

Whether or not you agree with Tabor's conclusions, Marcan Priority is pretty much one of the assured results of New Testament scholarship, whether among Catholics, Evangelicals or traditional Protestants. Sorry Fred.

After Jesus

A quick nod to those with access to CNN to check out the doco After Jesus: The First Christians, screening in the lead-up to Xmas. It features the incredible Bart Ehrman (the guy pictured), Amy-Jill Levine and Marvin Meyer. You'll need to check out listings for your region and time zone.

Hey, in exchange for two hours in front of the TV with a bowl of salted peanuts and a Steinlager or two, you'll get to know 97.4% more than Garner Ted Armstrong ever picked up over a lifetime of winging it.

If you can't get CNN, or you just want a taste of the program in advance, you can read questions posed to Levine and Meyer online.

WCG loses 86 to 2

According to a posting on the JLF board, 86 Tkach congregations have disappeared since 1999. Eighty six. Two have been formed in that time. Net loss: 84.

Yes, the Lord sure has blessed the WCG, as Oral Roberts used to say, "real good." Or was that someone else?

And the credit goes to Joe and the team out in Glendora. Take a bow guys. Now Mike, no need to hide at the back. I think we all feel a praise chorus coming on!

Okay, so the JLF writer (Anne) has a proven track record, and featured several times as a guest writer on the old AW. She's going to have the details available in the near future. And, as Anne points out, these figures don't "cover the human loss and what condition the remaining congregations are in."

But 86... that's congregations, brethren! Disbanded, gone, kaput! In seven years. And that's just in the USA!

[Drag out calculator: 86 divided by 7, um, where's that = key?] That's twelve congregations down the gurgler per annum! One every month.

Twelve? Seven years? Quick, someone contact Willie Dankenbring and crack open the Book of Daniel: prophecy marches on!

No, okay, just kidding.

Now remind me again, Joe is still Pastor General and President because...

To Infidel and back over a flat white

I woke up this morning as an Atheist. This was a complete surprise as I fell asleep last night reading a book on church history. Well, OK, it was a reasonably boring chapter, but hardly enough to drive me into the ranks of the Godless Infidels.

But the evidence was incontrovertible. There in my in-tray was another forwarded message from that fount of all wisdom, the Original WCG Yahoo group.

"WEBSITE ATTACKING ME: An athiest [sic] recently attacked British-Israelite magazines by using the typical leftist ploy of 'guilt by association'.

"Imagine if a Christian or Jew quoted or used research such as an encyclopedia by an athiest [sic] or a book on the life of tigers by a Hindi [sic] - does that mean that such a one was pro-Hindi [sic]?

"The lack of thinking by these anti-British-Israel extremists is amazing ..."

Now the guy responsible is "Craig" and his moniker is "Surfer11", and that just happens to be the chap who is mentioned in the December 13 posting. I guess he was upset, but I need to make one or two small points of clarification.

1. The "attack" was on anti-Semitic, racist bigot Sheldon Emry and a particularly bizarre version of British-Israelism, not on Craig.

2. "Athiest" isn't in the dictionary.

3. Hindi is a language, not a religion.

Puzzled, I headed out for a Sunday newspaper and a decent coffee. Having returned, I'm now fully recovered from my brief dalliance with "Athiesm". But I do have a concern for Craig...

After all, he is a leading light in the BI movement, a widely read authority on the subject with a book to his credit and innumerable articles appearing on various websites. In other words, Craig is one of BI's elite thinkers, an intellectual giant in the field. Yet, judging from his comments on Yahoo...

1. He can't spell Atheist, despite using the word freely.

2. He thinks Hindi is a religion.

3. He endorses a website without doing any apparent research (it took me 5 minutes using Google to discover Emry's background.)

4. He labels me as an "Athiest", which is leaping to a conclusion based on --- what? Maybe he thinks it means non-fundamentalist. Maybe I should ask for my BTh course fees back...

It hardly inspires confidence. But then, what would an anti BI extremist "Athiest" know?

;-)

And Joe sod pottage

On December 13 Pastor Generalissimo Joseph Tkach wrote:

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
The Worldwide Church of God has now completed the doctrinal study on the topic of ordaining women to the office of elder. As an introduction to the completed study, we have prepared a video presentation, which you can access by clicking on this link: www.wcg.org/women.htm The final chapter of the study is attached to this e-mail update, and will appear in the new issue of Together, which will be mailed today.

Which in most churches would be good news, proof that the community of believers was moving ahead into the twentieth century, and might eventually meet up with the rest of us in the twenty-first.

Yes, I'm definitely of the view that the priesthood of all believers means ALL believers, not half the believers. No exceptions. The trouble with the splits and splinters is that most have absolutely no concept of the priesthood of all believers: it's too dangerous to promote in a rigid, totalitarian sect. Even WCG fudges the issue by using the watered-down substitute “ministry of all believers.” Priesthood means responsibility, and that responsibility is on each and every one of us, not a ministerial elite.

Regardless, within the next fifty years I'd predict that there'll be a woman in the office of Archbishop of Canterbury and women ordained to the Catholic priesthood. The sexism that has been institutionalised in the historic Christian denominations can't survive any more than the tolerance of slavery survived the nineteenth century.

So here comes the Tkach church to climb on board the bandwagon. But wait just a minute...

Why would any decent, sensitive, self-respecting woman want to buy into the WCG concept of leadership? Leadership without accountability. Leadership without representation. Leadership that preens and postures as “Episcopal” when it's no such thing.

We know why so many blokes wanted to be ordained. Status. Not many cared for the genuinely pastoral side of ministry, few pursued theological enquiry beyond the stale crumbs offered at Ambassador College. But to stand above the common herd on a stage, strutting behind a lectern and having the sheep hang on every word; that can be quite a trip.

The new, downsized WCG may be a little different, but last I heard Joe Jr. hadn't tendered his resignation and announced a new policy where the church (the people or the local congregations) could choose its own president. Joe is President for Life, a bit like Robert Mugabe.

Last I heard the church's board was still largely a rubber stamp body made up of appointees. No prizes for guessing who appoints them.

And now women are eligible to be inducted into the old boys club? I suppose a few will be tempted to snuggle up to the offer. Maybe that'll be a good thing in the longer term. A year or so ago AW suggested that Sheila Graham would make a great church president, and most readers agreed! But the compromises needed will be, one suspects, more than most Christian women could stomach. Accepting the baubles of office in such circumstances is a bit like Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of pottage.

Meantime, just watch the last remaining conservative, middle aged, tithe paying blokes balk at the prospect of having to listen to a woman preach!